"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress, dress impeccably, they notice the woman..." - Coco Chanel

So I went to University this morning to take my placement test for German...I arrived at 8:45 AM for a 9 Am start to our test and there were several of us, all from different countries, Argentian, Mallorca, Spain, China, India, Romania and Turkey.  I was the only one from the US - I was kind of bummed as I was hoping to have someone to hang out with but at the same time, glad because it would have made studying German that much harder as I am sure I would have reverted to talking in English all the time.  The test consisted of  4 pages of  reading comprehension, fill in the blanks and questionnaire and an interview.  I almost laughed out loud as the only thing I filled out was my name and contact information.  I folded the test and handed it back to the test taker after 3 minutes and he asked me, "are you done?", and he would talk to me really slow like I was Helen Keller, I said to him, equally slow, yeeeeessss, I ammmmm fiiiiniiished, caaaannnn you gooo ahead and dooo the interviewww?  

So he started asking me questions in German and he could tell after the 3 blank looks I gave him that I didnt understand so he reverted to English and started talking slow again, which I then interrupted him and said that English is my first language so please go ahead and speak to me normally...Im from the the US...OH!  He thought I was Japanese or Chinese or something...fucking moron.

So after a tour of the campus, which was an hour late due to the other interviews -  Im now back home making  a really late lunch.  

Note to self about the university:

• there is no AC anywhere!  Bring bottled water.
  
• I will have to revert to wearing shorts and jeans again like I was in school.  Im really bummed out about that as I havent worn any of my work clothes since the end of May.  Prada and Gucci stick out like  sore thumbs  plus the heat is not conducive to couture on the campus and trains. I might bust it out during the fall.
  
• Go to school with an open mind and do not be a megabitch (very hard but Im doing it!)

I go back on Monday to start my first day of school for 4 hours each day.  Based on what was given to me as information - if I study really hard and apply myself, I can technically become a native speaker (or something akin to it) in 1o months time.  Thats taking into account that I have no life, I just study and do nothing else.  What did I get myself into?  I was never much of a student back in college and the thought of being back in a university setting is giving the bad case of the hives.  Wish me luck everyone!

PS - they serve alcohol in the cafeteria!!!!!  YEAH!

Side note...

Hi all  - I am re-reading some of my earlier entries and noticed a whole bunch of syntax and typo errors on my entries.  I apologize.  I don't want you all to think  that I am illiterate.  I do have  reasons:

• I now type on a German keyboard which differs in the placement of certain letters and with the addition of the German umlaut (Ö,Ä,Ü,ß) so it is  a little challenging
• My mind has atrophied since I left the working world 2 months ago so I'm not as vigilant about spelling as I used to be
• I'm getting lazy

Tchüss und danke!

 

Rainy Days and Mondays always Get Me Down...

OK, it's not exactly raining but it has been for the past 2 days.  Totally fine with me but after it rains it leaves high humidity.  Not good for the hair...B and I were supposed to go to Antwerp yesterday but those plans were scuttled as we got up too late so we decided to go to the train station to pick up my trainpass.  I can now officially go around the city without bothering to buy those pesky train tickets - the tickets kiosks  have too many choices; day trips, short trips (3 or less stops), 4 trip tickets, group tickets, I think you're getting the idea on how detail oriented Germans are.  From the main train station we caught a connection to the Heinrich Heine University where my classes are to start next week.  We did a dry run just to figure out how long it would take me to get there.  I have a placement test this Thursday and I didnt want to be wandering around not knowing where to go.  It's a rather large campus so I'm glad that we went so I wouldnt look like a total tool running in late for the test.

By the way, the trains here do not have AC and the windows are few and far between so you can imagine the heat it generates when rush hour rolls around and how deodorant is not a necessity for some Europeans - I hate to make blanket generalizations but I have me endured it too many times to know better.  Also the trains operate on an honor system here.  You can ride the trains without technically paying but be aware that there might be plainclothes inspectors who will come up and ask to see your ticket.  If you dont have one, then you must pay €40 on the spot and if you do have a ticket but forgot to get it validated by one of the machines on the train, it is still considered a no ticket situation.  

Nothing much else went on yesterday.  After that little side trip B retreated to this home office and worked for the rest of the afternoon while I played dutiful housewife trying to figure out what to make for dinner.  My main criteria was not to use to many pots and pans and dishes as I didn't want to wash dishes in the tub again (please see entry below on that debacle).

Oh!  Fashion week started yesterday in the city.  I was told that Düsseldorf is the fashion capital of Germany and once a year they hold their fashion extravaganza with events and buyers from around Germany and Europe.  Our apartment is smack dab in the middle of it all.  Loro Piana, the Italian fashion house known for cashmere has a showroom 2 doors down from us, and 2 blocks from our us Vogue Germany held a party in a museum (or I think it was a museum) last night.  Right behind our building, on another leafy street is whole bunch of showrooms and fashion events so there are "FASHION" people walking up and down our street today.  I have a great view from our balcony.  We almost snuck into one of the events but B chickened out, he didnt want to be caught and not know what to say.  I told him all you have to do is say FIERCE wherever you go.  That dress is FIERCE!  You are FIERCE!  That bag is FIERCE!!!!  And walk inside with a bitch face..or with a clipboard and headset.  I can totally do that from my years of experience doing meeting planning (not the bitch face mind you, I save that for behind the attendees backs and not to their face - I might have  loathe them sometimes but I wasnt stupid!).

Madge, am I using Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid?

Ok, I'm officially pissed...so yesterday, the plumber came by to fix the sink.  The main water hose which supplies water to the faucet broke off 2 days before so B called the landlord to have them contact a plumber to come by the apartment.  In the meantime, I've been using the dishwasher to clean dishes - please see previous entry on German engineering and the hieroglyphics which I had to decipher.  One great trait about the Germans is when they tell you that they will meet you at a certain time, you can bet that they will be there on the dot.  The Plumber arrived at noon, just as I was told.  He didnt speak very good German or English, I dont speak German, he asked if I spoke French, I didnt of course so I asked him if he spoke Spanish, which he didnt, so we ended up up talking in a patois of English, German and hand gestures which resembled an angry Italian.  To make  a long story short, he wasnt able to fix the problem right then but will have to come back on Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday with the correct part.  Fine, but the part the pisses me off to no end is that I think he turned off the water line to the dishwasher so now I cant even wash dishes!!!  I was figured out that there was a problem today when I ran the dishwasher and it was taking 2 hours to do a set of dishes.  Lo and behold, I opened the machine and nothing had been scrubbed, SOOOOO, I had to take all the dishes to the guest bathroom and wash dishes in the tub.  What the hell is this, the Balkans?!?  

Oh and B is 2 hours late from getting home so all the errands I would like to do will have to wait and stores close at 6 today and of course are all closed on Sundays...what a great way to start the weekend.  Ok, enough bitching...remember, deep breaths...you live in Europe now right?  But oh lord what I would give just to be able to read a dishwasher manual in English right now.

I Got to Wash that Man Right out of My Hair

Ah German engineering!  You gotta love it.  I did my first load of laundry today and I felt like Harrison Ford's character  in Regarding Henry, right after he recovered from getting shot and had to relearn everything.  There are more so many wash programs on the damn thing - easy care, easy iron, delicate rinse, cotton/linens, energy savings, delicates, etc., it even has a temperature control which ranged from 30 to 90 celsius. For those of us who are fahrenheit-centric, that is about 90 fahrenheit to- core- of- the- sun- hot. Am I washing clothes or storing nuclear plutonium rods?  Mind you, all this is written in German so for a while, I was going back and forth on the computer translating.  I finally had to write everything down on a sheet of paper and tape it to the machine!  That worst part is the a normal wash cycle is about 2 hours long.  I guess the Germans want everything CLEAN.  To be honest, my whites have never been so white and without bleach.  Take that Clorox!

I didn't do much yesterday.  B is in Budapest till Saturday morning so it was an opportunity for me to walk around the neighborhood and get oriented.  Our apartment is in front of a park which overlooks the Rhine.  We are in the Golzheim area which I am told is one of the best neighborhoods.  For my next entry I will look up  information about Düsseldorf and give you folks more of an idea about this city.  This neighborhood is nice but the one thing it lacks is the convenience of having a neighborhood market around the corner or restaurants that one could pop into.  I have to schlep myself about half a kilometer to get to those kind of places.

Oh!  Some of you have asked about television and what I'm doing to keep myself entertained...B has satellite service through Sky TV in the UK so we have about 300 channels to choose from.  The programs vary widely in the daytime from old British TV series like the long running Coronation Street to old episodes of Bewitched, Cagney & Lacey (currently playing the first season that had Meg Foster as Cagney before Sharon Gless replaced her), to  OLD episodes of Days of our Lives -  it's hilarious to watch Dr. Marlena Evans terrorizing the town of Salem as a serial killer but it turns out she's been killing androids and the real people have been placed in suspended animation on a remote island (I am not kidding).  the evening broadcasts are a little better, with episodes of Lost and Grey's Anatomy being only a season behind (it gives me a chance to catch up).  As I'm typing this, the TV is showing an old episode of Gilmore Girls, before Rory turned into a sniveling, whiny idiot...I just realized that I need to get a life...

One last thing, Barack Obama was in Berlin yeterday.  There -  I feel a little better writing about something with some depth and meaning...I wonder if Marlena will get caught? hmmmm

Prince Caspian is Eurotrash

Before I start writing about what I've been up to this point, I wanted to tell you about what we did last night.  Every Wednesday, the local Cinestar Movie Theater holds a sneak peek night.  they do not announce what the movie is beforehand so one purchases a ticket hoping that the movie to be shown will be a good one.  Typically, the movie shown is not to premiere for another 3 weeks.  B and I, along with his friends Lilibeth and her boyfriend David met up at the movies.  We all were trying to guess what movie was going to be shown by looking at all the coming soon posters in the lobby:  The third Mummy movie, Incredible Hulk, The Dark Knight, etc...we all had high hopes that it would be the new Mummy movie as we all thought that the first two installments were quite enjoyable.  A side note here: when you purchase a ticket at the movies in Germany, it includes a seat assignment, which I think is a great idea as you never have to search for an empty spot, ask a stranger to move a few seats to accommodate your party, etc.  Likewise, they serve alcohol as part of their concession services - sometimes the only way to get through a movie is to be blitzed, and boy I wish I had a few beers before going into the cinematic abortion we had to endure.  

Upon entering the theater and finding our seats, I sat back, relaxed and watched the opening scene of the movie with a sense of dread, scene 1:  a castle, a birth of a baby and a closeup of the villain uttering his first line in the heaviest spanish/european/newyorican by- way- of- Ibiza accent I have ever heard.  I inwardly groaned as I knew I was trapped for the next 2.5 hours and would never reclaim those precious few hours of my life, so if anyone is contemplating to watch The Chronicle of Narnia:Prince Caspian, I suggest you pray that Aslan the Lion come to life and maul you before seriously giving it some thought.  One funny scene in the movie that made me and B laugh was a talking bear that shouted, 

"For Aslan!!!", but it sounded like Leonardo Di Caprio  in Who´s Eating Gilbert Grape in the scene where Leo is on the water tower roof and shouting GILBERT!!!  GILBERT LOOK AT MEE!!!!.

Anyway, my first few days here have been  a whirlwind of activity.  I had to meet with B´s relocation agent in order for her to walk my paperwork through the bureaucracy that is the German government.  It was relative painless as she did all the work.  I am now officially a resident of Düsseldorf, and also have a tax card which is used for employment- but I need a work permit first.  Cart before the horse in my opinion.  We also went to the main terminal trainstation to purchase my monthly train pass so I can navigate the city and to get to school.

B and I were discussing the train route I had to take and he said to me, "if you look at this route, you will need to transfer from the main station to the take the BUS to the university..."  I looked at him and said, "BUS!?"  Does he not know me?  We later found out that it was the above ground train...thank the lord!

I have a placement test for language school next week and I just had to laugh, because other than knowing words to be polite, a few sentences and counting 1-2-3, my knowledge of the German language is based mainly on watching Sophie's Choice and I dont think those words will come in handy unless I'm ever in the same situation as that poor Austrian girl imprisoned by her dad for 30 years in the family basement.

Where have I been?

We´ll I am finally in Germany!  To give you a rundown on how the trip and what has been going on since I´ve gotten here:

I flew out of LAX on Thursday, July 17th.  My flight left at 5:45 Pm but arrived in plenty of time to check my two LARGE suitcases (each weighing about 70 lbs) and hang out in the International First Class lounge in right beside gate 73 in the United terminal  - I have never been inside this particular lounge before and let me tell you, it is a lot nicer than the Red Carpet Club.  By the way, if you have noticed that I am writing to you without using apostrophes, there is a very good reason, I am using a German keyboard and some of the keystrokes are different.  The letters Y and Z are placed differently on it, and the apostrophe symbol `is on the top left hand corner of the keyboard.  It is taking some getting used to so for now instead of me backspacing every couple of times while I am typing, I will write a little more formal.  Back to the story - - 

I am the only person in the lounge and immediately notice that they have FOOD here, unlike the Red CArpet Club which only serves coffee, soft drinks water and the occasional shortbread and bananas.  This lounge has sandwiches, free booze, and all kinds of other treats to gorge on.  I pour myself a glass of champagne and find a comfortable seat and wait for the next 2 hours before I board my flight.  After about 30 minutes a few people walk in, but my eyes perk up when I see the actor Eddie Cibrian walk in. Very Handsome.  He is currently on Ugly Betty as Betty´s sister Hilda´s love interest.  He sits across the room from me and I just stare at him for the next hour. 

I later board my flight (seat 3J) in the first class section of the plane and you know what?  It is not all that it is cracked up to be.  The service is not different from Business Class, the food is a little different.  I had the duck (it was ok).  I just proceeded to drink (1 bloody mary, 1 glass of white wine, 2 glasses of champagne) had ice cream for desssert and passed out.  I did not even need my Ambien.  Put on my eye mask, set up my seat into a bed and promptly fell asleep and woke up 9.5 hours later over England to get ready for breakfast.

I, of course change into a different outfit when I woke up. I cannot very well let B see me in wrinkled clothes when I get to Germany.  Breakfast was rather ordinary too (a fruit plate).  Now I was told that if one rides in first class, one gets caviar, nicer meals a set of sleeping pajamas and the ike, but as i mentioned before, it was no different than flying Business Class.  Maybe because it´s United.  They need to revamp First Class.  I will write them a letter.

We land in Frankfurt at 1:30 PM Friday.  I proceed through passport control, where a rather stern German police officer asks me how long my visit is and debate telling him that I plan on living here.  I figured if I told him the truth, I would end up in a little room with no window being asked questions about my political leaning - it doesnt help that my passport picture makes me look Libyan.  I tell him I am staying for a month.  I then proceed to the Lufthansa check in counter and get my boarding pass for my 30 minute flight to Düsseldorf.

For those of you who have been through the Frankfurt airport, you will appreciate what I will write about next:  I then walk for 10 minutes from security to my gate (number 41), by the time i see my gate, I have broken a sweat and done my cardio for the day.  I search for the Lufthansa Senator's Lounge (their version of the Red Carpet Club), where thankfully it´s only 3 gates away from mine and walk in and immediately pour myself A VERY LARGE stein of beer.  I wait another 2 hours before my next flight.  For those of you who have never been in their lounge, it´s fantastic!  They have tons of food and all their beer is on tap or one can just grab a nice glass of wine.  I do not drink a lot as I dont want to be a fall out drunk when I see B.

I board my flight for Düsseldorf  at 3:30 PM and it is only 30 minutes long but those German flight attendants are quick and efficient.  In business class we get served a sandwich, a drink, a choice of magazines to read, and ice cream and all with a smile and they are cute - both the men and women, unlike the old crones who work at United, by the way, my flight attendant on the United flight had just had her lips filled with collagen, the only reason I know this is because she was discussing plastic surgery secrets with the other attendants...

My flight into Dusseldorf arrives at 4:15 PM.  I pick up my suitcases at the carousel and just walk through the door.  B is waiting there for me.  We look at each other and both start to laugh...

I will write more tomorrow, on what B and I have been doing since Friday afternoon when I arrived (not about that!!!)

I read last night in the New York Times that Estelle Getty passed away.  She played Sophia on the Golden Girls.  My friends know how much I loved that show and how I adored Sophia. I always had a warm spot in my heart for her one liners and zingers.  Estelle, wherever you are, you will be missed and thank you for being a friend.