"If only she called me...if only I was listed..." - Elise in the First Wives Club

I missed school yesterday because I had to go to the Aulander Büro to meet about my paperwork (Foreign Office).  Thats another story altogether for another time.  Lets just say that bureaucracy is a live and well wherever you go.  Thankfully I had my relocation person Yasmin with me.  Anyway, for those of you who do not know, Im taking a Deutsch Intensiv class which means instead of taking my own sweet time with learning the language, I get thrown into the deep end of the pool and you learn the language in an intense environment wherein, nothing but German is spoken and in my case, you are in school for four hours each day.  If you miss a day, you are FUCKED.  The class yesterday covered telling time.  Let me tell you, its not as easy as one might think.  The German language is highly structured and exact.  The face of a clock is broken out into zones and depending on what time it is the zone has to be mentioned when giving someone the time.  For example:  7:35 PM is actually 19:35 as they use military time in Europe.  When giving someone that time, it would be neunsehn Uhr Funfunddreizig.  Literally, 19 hour 5 and 30.  Did I forget to tell you that numbers are not read left to right but rather right to left, so the number 38 is achtunddreizig - 8 and 30...it SUCKS!  One has to listen carefully to numbers because they are not read the same way in English:

41 - einundvierzig 1 and 40

65 - funfundsechzig 5 and 60

98 - achtundneunzig 8 and 90

Years are given in the same way.  1998 would read neunzehnhundertundachtundneunzig (all one word no spaces)...19 hundred 8 and 9...2008 is zwahnzighundertundacht...20 hundred and 8.  Can you imagine my telephone number?

21-13-19-00-48 (thats not the actual telephone in case you would like to call but it is close)

einundzwanzig, dreizehn, neunzehn, doppel null, achtundfierzig

1 and 20, 13, 19,  double 00, 8 and 40

It totally sucks.  But as I mentioned with time 7:35 PM is read as neunsehn Uhr Funfunddreizig (19 and 5 and 30) OR....

Fünf nach halb acht which literally means 5 after the half before 8...as the zone the hands are in the nach region as opposed to the vor region etc...etc.etc...I have a headache as Im trying to catch up.  Its fairly easy once you get the hang of it but for now...I want to slit my wrists as it seems to be half ass backwards...sigh...back to studying...  

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers" - Randy in the movie Clerks

Hi all---I know, I know, where have I been?  Honestly, there hasnt been muchto blog about so Ive been concentrating on school and taking a lot of naps.  That is not a good sign because when I start doing that, it is a sign of depression and Ive been feeling a little blue lately.  I go through moods wherein Im glad to be in a new chapter in my life and then other times when I miss home like crazy.  Now everything is ok.  Nothing that a little shock therapy, a lobotomy and plenty of drugs cannot cure.  Voila!  Im now a Stepford Wife/Nazi Youth Party follower...You vill comply!  To give you a rundown of whats been happening lately, Ive gone to a few dinners with friends here so Im glad to be finally expanding my network of people.  I have yet to meet any fellow Americans.  That is ok.  B isnt any help in that department as all of his American friends here left a long time ago when their assignments were up with their respective companies and currently there are only 3 other Americans working at his company.  One of whom is currently based in the Swedish office.

I received a few emails from friends in the meeting planning world telling me that they are all now in Las Vegas/Los Angeles working on the annual meeting that I used to help plan.  I cannot believe its been a year.  I kinda miss it.  Not the actual work of planning that monster but working with the fun people.  So to all my friends at GNE in the meeting planning department and my friends at BMc, good luck and I wish I was there with you guys.  No matter how crazy it got we always found time to have fun and make fun of all the !"&?! attendees and their stupidity.

OH!  One more thing.  I had the weirdest dream last night.  Sandra Bullock, her sister and me were sitting around the dining room table and we were talking in German, but Sandra's sister had a South German accent which is a lot more guttural than it is up here in the north and as a consequence whenever she turned to speak to me, she ended up spitting in my face.  The only thing that makes sense in this dream is that Sandra Bullock can speak German fluently.  I saw her being interviewed on German TV---I cant vouch for my fluency but in my dream I was fluent!  Das ist alles...

"You couldnt be anymore gay if your name was Gaye Gayerson!" - Roseanne Conner on the TV show Roseanne

School is going well.  There is this one guy in class from Libya who is a Mr Know it All and me and this lady from Spain sit next to him and he's always correcting our pronunciation.  BITCH PLEASE.  It wouldnt be so odious if he didnt stutter so much when called to answer a question or if his guttural arabic didnt get in the way of HIS pronunciation.  So me and Belen (the lady from Spain) always make a crack about him in Spanish and call him Mustafa behind his back.  He's working our last nerve. As ever, Im the one always stirring the shit wherever I go... I forgot to tell you that last Friday we had a sub and she was the German version of Ellen DeGeneres.  Total (s)him.  It would have been better if she had her personality but she looked like Ellen but with the personality of a a bag of hair.  The only time she came to life was when we asked her if she taught beginners.  She was very adamant that she only taught higher levels.  Sheesh!  I know we were the bottom of the barrel but you would have thought we asked her if she was a log cabin republican or if she was getting back together with Anne Heche.  What a CU Next Tuesday.

This is going to be a rough week in terms of my personal life with B.  He's on a deadline for the next two weeks for a project he's presenting to the CFO of the company so it means I will see little of him or he'll be cooped up in the home office a lot...Oh!  And it's football season now in the States and B likes to watch that sport on TV so I will be a football widower for a while...

"So you're the coolest guy at ShenaniganZ, big fucking deal! That's like being the smartest person with Down Syndrome!" - Mitch in the movie Waiting

School is going well and our class was given the official note about the split of our class and who is going where.  Im glad that they are splitting us into two groups but I wasnt crazy with the way they did the split.  Im in the group with all the middle eastern and asians.  Now dont get me wrong.  I could care less BUT I have been taking note of the group dynamics for the past few days and have noticed one thing:  The Asians the Middle Easterns are the slower ones in class with their grasp of pronunciation and the overall pace of the class.  Im being placed in the special ed class. Which troubles me a little bit only because the school didnt take a more random approach and just mix people.  It felt more like I was playing a part in the miniseries North and South and you all know how that ended up... 

My other classmates who are in the other group and who I have gotten friendly with said that maybe I have been placed there because I can help them since I've been pretty helpful with some students and I have a quick grasp of the class (well thats because I took it before!).  Oh Joy...not only do I get to learn but I get to TEACH for free!  So I went to the administration office  after class and asked if I could move to the other group so I can at least be challenged with other students and hang out with the the cool kids...so high school I know but as the great Heather Chandler said in the movie Heathers:

Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw.  Do I look like Mother Theresa?

  The school would look into it.  If I dont get switched its no big deal, I am not going to make the same fuss as I did at the other school.  We will see what happens.  On other news, B is in Sweden today and will come back tomorrow afternoon where he will immediately drop his bags at home and go straight to a company party.  I'll be left at home tending the home fires...like Cinderella...

"It's time to scheisse, or get off ze crapper!" - From the movie Beerfest

I started my new school yesterday and it's a lot better than the old place.  My class is a little larger than my old class (18 students) so they are planning on splitting us up into 2 groups.  That will be better for group dynamics and for more concentrated interactions.  Im still in a Bennetton Ad.  There is a Korean, 2 Brazilians, 6 from China, 5 from the Middle East (libya, Kuwait, Lebanon, etc) 1 from Turkey 1 from  Cambodia, 1 from Russia and me.  Again, no luck from another person from the USA.  It's interesting to note that a few of my classmates have been living in Germany for a few years and only now are taking classes.  I have to wonder how the hell have they been coping with living here without having any working knowledge of the language.  That would drive me up the wall.  They must have a huge community to be so insular. We are seated in groups and the one thing I must do starting tomorrow is to sit at another table.  My group must be the short bus people because they repeat everything the teacher says and have a hard time pronouncing and understanding the directions.  Im having to carry the group.  Jesus H. Christ.  Its the Cambodian and the two Libyans.  Great - two countries that had despotic leaders and which America didnt have friendly relations with.  Im saddled with Quaddafi and Pol Pot.  Well now is not the time for me to repair relations...its every man for himself...

I also have a morning class now which I am VERY happy about.  Now I have a normal schedule. just to show how much of a nerd Ive turned into, I had to read a paragraph today and the teacher complimented me on my pronunciation. Some members of the class came up to me later and started asking me questions and asking for help...I was a star!  Oh lord...

Things are looking ok.  I was even able to go to the store after class today and have a rudimentary conversation with the cashier and she understood me and I understood her...