Thanks!

I had a GREAT WEEKEND...friends from my old company were in the Germany for work and I was able to join them for their last few days in the country.   It was nice catching up and at the same time really weird that in all the places in the world we caught up half way across the world.  So, Robin, Dave, Teresa, Dave, Raffy and Christine...thanks for the laughs and it was great to see you all again!  Strangely, it was funny that I was able to use the German that I knew and it just came out naturally...maybe you guys could come back and stay with me and I will be fluent quickly!

School is still school.  Thanksgiving is next week but instead of trying to do a little traditional dinner,  B and I will be in Paris.  I cannot wait.  Only because we will be on the lookout for furniture to start furnishing the apartment.  B has been off for the past week and he has been arranging to have workmen over to take away existing furniture, put up fixtures and to take away garbage that has been piling up here.  Its not that we are living in a dump but he and I have been so busy that it has been low on the tote pole of things to do.  

So I lost my shit today in class.  We have this new guy in our class from Bulgaria.  What an ass.  He always interrupts, laughs at people and is just a general nuisance.  Well today, we had to construct a dialogue and the scenario was to a train station and you are buying a ticket for travel with questions about how much you pay, where you are going, what class of travel, etc.  Well I get partnered with Bulgaria and he starts spouting off wild scenarios about his wife being pregnant, wanting two kinds of tickets all kinds of stupid shit.  Well he has been yapping and interrupting all the time before that and when this happened I SNAPPED.  I stood up and said to the teacher under my breath - I CANNOT WORK WITH HIM...it was too funny because after I came back to the classroom my friends were laughing.  After class they said the reason they were laughing is because the look on my face was the look of murder and they all agreed that the guy was a pain.  Our teacher even said it was unfortunate that had happened...lord...the drama that happens here everyday.  We had another incident last week wherein two of my classmates got into an argument.  Let me tell you something.  It is funny to hear people use the word fuck and shit when English is not their first language.  Me and the girl from Canada stood back and watched and were commenting on that.

PS - Friends from the States are here in Germany this week and Im meeting them this Saturday.  I AM SO EXCITED...

Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in. - Lili Von Schutpp in Blazing Saddles

My next level of German class started today.  Overall, Im in the same class of as before with some of my friends but with the addition of 4 new students - Japan, Mallorca, Bulgaria and Russia.  No Americans.  It's like looking for the White Whale in Moby Dick...call me Ismael...ANYWAY, B came home today but had to leave for London and will be back tomorrow evening.  We saw each other for 5 minutes (on my way in the door, he, on his way out - direct from the airport).  The weather is COLD and Halloween is this Friday.  We are not going to the Halloween Party previously mentioned in my other post.  Instead we will drive (meaning I will drive) to Wiesbaden to visit our friends Anders and Anastasia for a long weekend.  Its another holiday here in Germany this Saturday, which means, all stores will be closed Saturday AND Sunday which means there will be a mad dash of people trying to get their shopping done on Friday...time to get the hell out of Dodge.  It wont be any different being in Wiesbaden as it is still in Germany but perhaps we can go to the outlet mall in Metzingen...I will have to check the internet...

Why don't you take your PhD and stick it up your A-S-S! - Uncle Ben in Accepted

So today was the last day and it ended well.  We had a small party to celebrate the small milestone and to say good bye to others as they will not continue on with the classes.  We're the suckers.  Others are coming in to join our class as I assume they placed high enough in the placement test to be placed there.  The list of new students was posted on the bulletin board and by the look of it, there are no Americans.  Oh well...

I have to go shopping tomorrow for groceries and take the car with me.  Ive dreaded having to drive in the city as it is a little difficult to navigate but thankfully the car has a navigational system.  The worst part is that I buy a lot of groceries at one time.  That is not normal for Germans, who go every other day to ensure their food is fresh.  I look very American walking in the supermarket with a small cart bursting with food.  Vasteful Amerikan!  Get out!  Sorry Stormtrooper but I have neither the time or inclination to be going to the grocery store all the time...

"Chris! Chris! Chris!", "I'M BUSY!", "I'm busy too stupid dick!" - Samantha James in Just Friends

So I inserted my foot into my mouth last night.  I went out to dinner with the American friend of B's.  Dominic brought his friend Martin to dinner.  As we were sitting down, I casually asked where Peter was (Peter being Dominic's boyfriend), Martin pipes up that second wives are not allowed tonight as he is the first wife and is slowly dawned on me that Martin is THE Martin who Dominic used to live with.  Well hell, how the hell would I know?  It's not everyday that you would bring your ex-boyfriend to your own birthday dinner...SHIT...then they proceeded to argue in rapid fire German for the remainder of the meal.  I should have just ordered popcorn and watched it unfold in front of me.  I felt kind of bad but oh well...

Part one of school ends tomorrow.  And Im so behind with studying.  I have to really bone up on my German to ensure that I can keep up with part 2...we're planning a little party during class tomorrow so I decided to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch.  For all of you haters out there...SHUT IT...I can bake something like that.  I couldnt think of anything American to bring to the potluck other than going to the McDonalds in the train station and ordering a bag full of burgers.  B comes home on Monday and it cant be a day too soon.  I am bored to tears being alone.  In spite of myself, Ive been hooked on Gilmore Girls and have been watching it religiously and Im hooked on this show called Property Ladder from the UK wherein this lady who used to be a property developer advises potential property developers on how best to market, rehab and sell their properties...I know...full life I lead eh?  Next time, I'll lie and tell you all about the places I've been the champagne I've drunk and the movie starts Im hobnobbing with!

BTW, We were in Belgium three weeks ago and finally bought a dining room table!  It's an English Regency style table that can seat 10 people and is about 110 years old and is supposed to be delivered soon.  One by one Im starting to get this place into shape.  Im trying to turn this into a SHOWPLACE!

"If we get anymore white people in here, it's going to be a suburb! "- Motormouth Maybelle, Hairspray

Germans are busybodies.  I was walking home this afternoon and went into my building.  There were two older ladies talking in the lobby and I walked in without using the key as it was already open.  I greeted them Guten Tag and the next question I got was Machen Sie hier?  What are  you doing here.  It took me a moment to realize that they were talking to me so I said, Ich lebe hier.  I live here...and they were all...SORRY!  Bitches, whatever, mind your own damn business. 

Im having dinner tonight with a "friend" who is having a birthday.  I cant consider him a friend as he rubs me the wrong way and whenever we meet, it is all about ME ME ME ME ME...and my problems.  I  wouldnt have gone but he ran into me at the trainstation on my way home and he cornered me.  The  only redeeming quality he has is that he is an American but he's been living here for so long that when I speak to him in my normal cadence, he doesnt seem to understand me so I have to talk a little slower.  Whats the point then?  He's B's friend not mine and Ive told him numerous times that I didnt care for his company...oh well...I'll have to bite the bullet and go just so I wont be called a bitch behind my back.  The Expat community here is small so once you get a reputation, no invites come along...soooo high school

I voted today at the Consulate.  Its McCain all the way....PSYCH!  If I have to see Caribou Barbie in office for the next 4 years I will have to burn my passport.  School was ok today but I arrived late as Ive been suffering from a severe case of insomnia for the past few day which has kept me up till 2 in the morning.  I woke up so late that I didnt have time to take a shower.  EWWWW...so Im going to pull a Karen Silkwood right now and scrub this day away from me...

"Unfortunately, our Don Juan is moving with the speed of a Special Olympics hurdler." - Katyrn in Cruel Intentions

I am alive and well folks.  Im terribly sorry for the lack of posts.  I have been very busy...no wait, thats a lie.  I have NOT been busy.  Actually, I have been in a funk for the past few weeks and not really in the mood to commit my thoughts onto paper (or the computer).  B has been traveling up a storm lately.  He was in Moscow for a few days and last Friday, left for Boston for a conference.  He doesnt get back until the 27th.  I made a list of things for him to buy for me while he's back in the Good Ole USA...

Onion Soup Mix

Cans of Spaghetti-Os

American Magazines - GQ, Domino, Details, Town & Country...what the hell did you expect Sports Illustrated and Guns and Ammo?

Excedrin Migraine pills

and various DVD's of movies that I didnt get to watch while I was still living in the US and no chance in hell will I ever find it here...

Early presidential voting started yesterday for expats, so I will haul my ass to the consulate to get that down.  A lot of my classmates are very interested in the outcome of our elections and ask me if I have I voted, who I am voting for, etc.  They also ask me a lot of questions about our voting process.  Something, shamefully to say, I am not very familiar with.  I know we have Electoral Colleges but Im not sure how that works. (Denise can you pipe in?).  I believe we should just have a popular vote system or in case of a tie, a celebrity death match.  I can just picture Caribou Barbie (Palin) in a ring filled with Jello...

School has been ok.  It is our last week until I go to the next level.  We had an oral test yesterday wherein each of us is placed in a hot seat, the teacher gives us a topic and all the other students ask each of us questions pertaining to the topic.  My topic was food.  So classmates asked me Where I like to eat, what my favorite foods are, if I cook, what I hate to eat etc...well, one of my Arab classmates kept asking me this question and I didnt understand it so I kept asking him to repeat the question - because a) he stutters when hes excited, b) he used the wrong verb so the questions didnt make sense, and c) his pronunciation is HORRIBLE. And he was getting agitated that I didnt understand him... Finally someone told me the right verb and I was able to answer the question.  It flustered me.  Well folks you can guess what fucked up bitchy thing I did...when it was his turn to get questioned (his topic was free time/hobbies), I asked him:  Wer ist deine liebling schauspieler oder schauspielerin? (Who is your favorite actor or actress).  He looked at me blankly and started stuttering and didnt understand my question.  I looked at the teacher and asked her if my question was correct and she said it was...so he looked at me and asked what Liebling was and I had to answer him in German only and he forgot what schauspieler was so I had  a fun time making him squirm.  I am such a cunt...LOL...BTW, his other favorite pastime is reading political books. Im going to have to keep an eye out if he ever comes to class with a big trench coat and a backpack...

I have not been keeping up with the entertainment news in the US lately but I recently heard about Madonna getting divorced...LOL...she said its the most painful thing she has ever been through...Yeah lady, more painful than Shanghai Surprise?  Im still trying to figure out how to get a refund for that movie and that is over 20 years ago...

"If only she called me...if only I was listed..." - Elise in the First Wives Club

I missed school yesterday because I had to go to the Aulander Büro to meet about my paperwork (Foreign Office).  Thats another story altogether for another time.  Lets just say that bureaucracy is a live and well wherever you go.  Thankfully I had my relocation person Yasmin with me.  Anyway, for those of you who do not know, Im taking a Deutsch Intensiv class which means instead of taking my own sweet time with learning the language, I get thrown into the deep end of the pool and you learn the language in an intense environment wherein, nothing but German is spoken and in my case, you are in school for four hours each day.  If you miss a day, you are FUCKED.  The class yesterday covered telling time.  Let me tell you, its not as easy as one might think.  The German language is highly structured and exact.  The face of a clock is broken out into zones and depending on what time it is the zone has to be mentioned when giving someone the time.  For example:  7:35 PM is actually 19:35 as they use military time in Europe.  When giving someone that time, it would be neunsehn Uhr Funfunddreizig.  Literally, 19 hour 5 and 30.  Did I forget to tell you that numbers are not read left to right but rather right to left, so the number 38 is achtunddreizig - 8 and 30...it SUCKS!  One has to listen carefully to numbers because they are not read the same way in English:

41 - einundvierzig 1 and 40

65 - funfundsechzig 5 and 60

98 - achtundneunzig 8 and 90

Years are given in the same way.  1998 would read neunzehnhundertundachtundneunzig (all one word no spaces)...19 hundred 8 and 9...2008 is zwahnzighundertundacht...20 hundred and 8.  Can you imagine my telephone number?

21-13-19-00-48 (thats not the actual telephone in case you would like to call but it is close)

einundzwanzig, dreizehn, neunzehn, doppel null, achtundfierzig

1 and 20, 13, 19,  double 00, 8 and 40

It totally sucks.  But as I mentioned with time 7:35 PM is read as neunsehn Uhr Funfunddreizig (19 and 5 and 30) OR....

Fünf nach halb acht which literally means 5 after the half before 8...as the zone the hands are in the nach region as opposed to the vor region etc...etc.etc...I have a headache as Im trying to catch up.  Its fairly easy once you get the hang of it but for now...I want to slit my wrists as it seems to be half ass backwards...sigh...back to studying...  

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers" - Randy in the movie Clerks

Hi all---I know, I know, where have I been?  Honestly, there hasnt been muchto blog about so Ive been concentrating on school and taking a lot of naps.  That is not a good sign because when I start doing that, it is a sign of depression and Ive been feeling a little blue lately.  I go through moods wherein Im glad to be in a new chapter in my life and then other times when I miss home like crazy.  Now everything is ok.  Nothing that a little shock therapy, a lobotomy and plenty of drugs cannot cure.  Voila!  Im now a Stepford Wife/Nazi Youth Party follower...You vill comply!  To give you a rundown of whats been happening lately, Ive gone to a few dinners with friends here so Im glad to be finally expanding my network of people.  I have yet to meet any fellow Americans.  That is ok.  B isnt any help in that department as all of his American friends here left a long time ago when their assignments were up with their respective companies and currently there are only 3 other Americans working at his company.  One of whom is currently based in the Swedish office.

I received a few emails from friends in the meeting planning world telling me that they are all now in Las Vegas/Los Angeles working on the annual meeting that I used to help plan.  I cannot believe its been a year.  I kinda miss it.  Not the actual work of planning that monster but working with the fun people.  So to all my friends at GNE in the meeting planning department and my friends at BMc, good luck and I wish I was there with you guys.  No matter how crazy it got we always found time to have fun and make fun of all the !"&?! attendees and their stupidity.

OH!  One more thing.  I had the weirdest dream last night.  Sandra Bullock, her sister and me were sitting around the dining room table and we were talking in German, but Sandra's sister had a South German accent which is a lot more guttural than it is up here in the north and as a consequence whenever she turned to speak to me, she ended up spitting in my face.  The only thing that makes sense in this dream is that Sandra Bullock can speak German fluently.  I saw her being interviewed on German TV---I cant vouch for my fluency but in my dream I was fluent!  Das ist alles...

"You couldnt be anymore gay if your name was Gaye Gayerson!" - Roseanne Conner on the TV show Roseanne

School is going well.  There is this one guy in class from Libya who is a Mr Know it All and me and this lady from Spain sit next to him and he's always correcting our pronunciation.  BITCH PLEASE.  It wouldnt be so odious if he didnt stutter so much when called to answer a question or if his guttural arabic didnt get in the way of HIS pronunciation.  So me and Belen (the lady from Spain) always make a crack about him in Spanish and call him Mustafa behind his back.  He's working our last nerve. As ever, Im the one always stirring the shit wherever I go... I forgot to tell you that last Friday we had a sub and she was the German version of Ellen DeGeneres.  Total (s)him.  It would have been better if she had her personality but she looked like Ellen but with the personality of a a bag of hair.  The only time she came to life was when we asked her if she taught beginners.  She was very adamant that she only taught higher levels.  Sheesh!  I know we were the bottom of the barrel but you would have thought we asked her if she was a log cabin republican or if she was getting back together with Anne Heche.  What a CU Next Tuesday.

This is going to be a rough week in terms of my personal life with B.  He's on a deadline for the next two weeks for a project he's presenting to the CFO of the company so it means I will see little of him or he'll be cooped up in the home office a lot...Oh!  And it's football season now in the States and B likes to watch that sport on TV so I will be a football widower for a while...

"So you're the coolest guy at ShenaniganZ, big fucking deal! That's like being the smartest person with Down Syndrome!" - Mitch in the movie Waiting

School is going well and our class was given the official note about the split of our class and who is going where.  Im glad that they are splitting us into two groups but I wasnt crazy with the way they did the split.  Im in the group with all the middle eastern and asians.  Now dont get me wrong.  I could care less BUT I have been taking note of the group dynamics for the past few days and have noticed one thing:  The Asians the Middle Easterns are the slower ones in class with their grasp of pronunciation and the overall pace of the class.  Im being placed in the special ed class. Which troubles me a little bit only because the school didnt take a more random approach and just mix people.  It felt more like I was playing a part in the miniseries North and South and you all know how that ended up... 

My other classmates who are in the other group and who I have gotten friendly with said that maybe I have been placed there because I can help them since I've been pretty helpful with some students and I have a quick grasp of the class (well thats because I took it before!).  Oh Joy...not only do I get to learn but I get to TEACH for free!  So I went to the administration office  after class and asked if I could move to the other group so I can at least be challenged with other students and hang out with the the cool kids...so high school I know but as the great Heather Chandler said in the movie Heathers:

Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw.  Do I look like Mother Theresa?

  The school would look into it.  If I dont get switched its no big deal, I am not going to make the same fuss as I did at the other school.  We will see what happens.  On other news, B is in Sweden today and will come back tomorrow afternoon where he will immediately drop his bags at home and go straight to a company party.  I'll be left at home tending the home fires...like Cinderella...

"It's time to scheisse, or get off ze crapper!" - From the movie Beerfest

I started my new school yesterday and it's a lot better than the old place.  My class is a little larger than my old class (18 students) so they are planning on splitting us up into 2 groups.  That will be better for group dynamics and for more concentrated interactions.  Im still in a Bennetton Ad.  There is a Korean, 2 Brazilians, 6 from China, 5 from the Middle East (libya, Kuwait, Lebanon, etc) 1 from Turkey 1 from  Cambodia, 1 from Russia and me.  Again, no luck from another person from the USA.  It's interesting to note that a few of my classmates have been living in Germany for a few years and only now are taking classes.  I have to wonder how the hell have they been coping with living here without having any working knowledge of the language.  That would drive me up the wall.  They must have a huge community to be so insular. We are seated in groups and the one thing I must do starting tomorrow is to sit at another table.  My group must be the short bus people because they repeat everything the teacher says and have a hard time pronouncing and understanding the directions.  Im having to carry the group.  Jesus H. Christ.  Its the Cambodian and the two Libyans.  Great - two countries that had despotic leaders and which America didnt have friendly relations with.  Im saddled with Quaddafi and Pol Pot.  Well now is not the time for me to repair relations...its every man for himself...

I also have a morning class now which I am VERY happy about.  Now I have a normal schedule. just to show how much of a nerd Ive turned into, I had to read a paragraph today and the teacher complimented me on my pronunciation. Some members of the class came up to me later and started asking me questions and asking for help...I was a star!  Oh lord...

Things are looking ok.  I was even able to go to the store after class today and have a rudimentary conversation with the cashier and she understood me and I understood her...

"Listen lady, in my county I was a schoolteacher.", "Oh Yeah? and in this country you wash my bras!" - Karen to Rosario on Will & Grace

Today is the start of a new day.  Language Course 2.0.  I'm rebooting everything and this time around I will study and make sure and take it more seriously.  I will be going to the Goethe Institut this afternoon to talk to an administrator, take a tour of their facility just to make sure Im not getting myself into a situation by surprise.  My last day of class at the current school was yesterday and it was sorta fun.  A lot of my classmates are heading back to their countries.  4 of them are going to continue on with the school.  One of them is the Palestinian, and I dont think we will be lifelong friends.  Before I begin this next story, I wanted to first give a caveat:  I am not racist, but when I think somebody is saying something very offensive I will dish right back at them and be a total hag (like you all know that I can be).  Yesterday, my Thai classmate Nicha brought her husband to class, before class started, to introduce him to us.  He's a little older, German and nice.  Nicha then excused herself to walk him back outside.  Francisco, my classmate from Mexico asked in a general sort of way, if he "bought" her.  That pissed me off because a) it's an Asian stereotype to have a mail order bride and b) as an Asian, I hate it when people think we only clean your hotel rooms or get married to a white man...but I digress.  I looked at Francisco and said to him:

I dont know, did you swim here?

What do you mean?  I dont understand...

Did you swim to Germany and enter the country illegally?  Isnt that what a lot of Mexicans do to enter a country?

Well he looked at me and I knew he wanted to punch me in the face, and to tell you the truth, I was in the mood for a fight but a little scared (hes a big guy).  He then said, that she looks like the kind of person who you would see on the internet.  At that point I told him to just shut up because we dont know their story is and it just wasnt a nice thing to say.  To say there was tension was an understatement.  I think I got a little brave because it was my last day of school and I knew I wouldnt be seeing him again.  I certainly couldnt be a diplomat.  I would start a war asap.  Otherwise, class ended early yesterday, we all took pictures and I said my goodbyes to the people I've spent the past month with. It's been a lot of fun.  I will be keeping in touch with my classmates Nicha, Manisha and Maria Laura as they will be in the country for a while and hope to get together one of these nights.

"Remember, there is no "I" in Team America". (Pause) -" Yes There Is..." - from the movie Team America

So today is my last day of school before I move to the new one next week (hopefully - thats another story altogether).  I've met some very interesting people in class and for the most part have been very nice.  There is one person in class though who has been such a pain in my ass.  He's Palestinian and he always makes snide remarks about the US and its politics.  I do not profess to be anywhere up to speed with foreign policy but I can hold my own with an argument.  We were doing role playing yesterday and the teacher assigned us roles.  For some perverse reason, she assigned the Palestinian (named Raja) the role of George Bush.  You would have thought he was assigned the role of Satan and he vehemently didnt want to play the role and suggested that I do so instead since I was the American.  I asked him in class during the middle of everything what he has against Americans and he went into a tangent about the not liking us, or politics etc...I told him, that I did not vote for Bush the first time or the second time and mentioned that our foreign policy has been atrocious since the current administration has been in office hoped that change will come with the upcoming elections, blah blah blah, but he kept saying such harsh things.  I finally snapped and asked him what brand of clothes he was wearing and other accessories he had on him.  The laundry list:  He had an Ipod, and Eastpak backpack and Lucky jeans.  I was guessing his underwear was Calvin or something.  I told him:

If you dislike my country so much then I suggest you reconsider what you have on and what youre listening to as Im know the things you have are American brands...

He looked at me like I was the biggest dick in the world and for a moment thought he was going to follow me home and do a jihad on my ass...oh well.  My Thai classmate Nicha broke the tension by saying - I rove everyone, brack or white, I rove Michael Jackson when he was brack but no more because he rooks white!

I cracked up and died.  She says the funniest shit at the drop of a hat and told her later in the day and thanked her for that.  I will be keeping in touch with her.

"They Sent Me to Hell...I'll Teach Them What I learned There!" - Lili in the TV movie Lace

So this is the last week before school ends.  As I mentioned in my last entry, I so dont care anymore and will most likely not show up for the final exam this Thursday.  Im currently have feelers out to two other schools and we'll see how those go.  My friend Anastasia who lives in Wiesbaden sent me a weblink for English speaking jobs.  I will be looking at those and see how well I do, but the only job I Im qualified for at the moment with my language skills, involves pushing a cart in a hotel corridor and saying...housekeeping?  Clean your room?  I have no idea why Im saying this to myself with an asian accent.  Anastasia is pretty funny.  As I mentioned before, She's a Danish national living in Germany.  She used to have a great job working for UNICEF, now she works for Nestle.  She said the ironic thing was that she used to work for an organization which provides relief and help for children around the world, now she works for a company which provides additives, sugar and preservatives for children all around the world...

So the school gave all of us an evaluation form to fill out on Friday.  Boy oh boy, it was like getting a Christmas present early!  My pen spewed so much venom and acid when writing my comments that I was afraid it would bore a hole through the table.  I even printed my name if they wanted to talk to me.  Dont get me wrong.  It wasnt a complete bitchfest.  I did write some recommendations which they should keep in mind for future administrative requirements.  I couldnt help it.   It was the meeting planner in me.  I finally got my new cellphone this weekend.  I will send out that number via email.  Slowly but surely I'm integrating...

Day of Wine and Roses (but no Cocaine)

Hi Folks,  Sorry for the lack of posts.  Things have been busy around here.  Last week was a flurry of activities with school. I have been a little stressed out with classes as I feel as I dont feel as I have a grasp on the language.  I dont have problems understanding things but the verbalization part is just not there.  Partly, Im a little intimidated with speaking in public and looking stupid and also i cant seem to piece together simple sentences.  On top of that, I think Im starting to lose my ability to speak English.  I have to think for a moment for the correct word I would like to use.  The other day, I forgot the word for cashier.  I kept telling B we had to go to the person over there, the one who takes our money...you know, the one...to PAY!  It's a little disconcerting.

We took a long weekend and went to Wiesbaden, about 2 hours away south of Dusseldorf, near Frankfurt to visit B's friends Anastasia and Anders - both are Danes.  Anders works at Fortis Bank and speaks 5 languages and Anastasia works for Nestle and speaks 3.  Both are very nice, funny people and I met them previously last year when we were in Denmark during my sabbatical from work.  We also went down there to watch Eric Clapton in concert with them and do a little shopping and the local wine festival.  First of all, the concert SUCKED ASS...all of us agreed, but for various reasons.  He didnt sing any of his well known songs...how the hell can you NOT sing Cocaine?  and the venue sucked.  It was an open area in a park right in the middle of the city and the event planners for this concert didnt think things through:

the big screens on either side of the stage was the size of a bed sheet tied to a tree

they didnt put barricades in front of the stage so when Clapton sang Layla, everyone bummed rushed the stage and threw things at Eric Clapton (panties mostly), and the polizie were pushing people back.  It was like a riot.  Its pretty funny to see 40+++ people running to the stage and trying their best to shake and shimmy...

They didnt put barriers around the open area so anyone who didnt pay to go the concert could go to their house, bring a chair and sit outside to watch what was going on inside

The area is not on a hill, so people couldnt see the stage (or screen for that matter). so if you were less than 6' you were screwed (I sure was).  

As a former meeting planner, I was pissed as these things should have been taken care of.  They should have hired InVision...

We all proceeded to leave the venue after 1 hour and drank at a bar nearby and just listen to the music.  Wiesbaden is crawling with Americans as there is a huge military base in the area.  Of the 600,000 residents of the city, 20,000 of them are Americans.  One thing I have noticed about Americans, we are LOUD people.  In restaurants, the hotel we were staying, just LOUD in general.  And obnoxious.

Oh well...I have a final exam next week for school and it is not looking good.  I worry that I will not pass this test then I realize, what the hell am I worried about?  If I dont pass, its not like it  goes on my GPA or my official transcripts.  Besides, I,m going to a new school anyway...

I will write more later....

"Engrish!! Engrish Onry You Stupid Retard!!!!" - Mr. Howard, the Japanese expat talking to his daughter, in Drop Dead Gorgeous

We took a much needed break this weekend and drove to Antwerp,  a city both B and I have never been to.  Very nice.  The one thing we forgot to bring was a camera, but B took a picture of this statue by the harbor that shall we say, when looked at a different angle, appears to be a rather stern man offering his d*'k to two rather scared boys kneeling before him. I promise to post it once B sends it to me.  We kept calling the statue The Gimps.  The city is fairly close to Dusseldorf.  It took only 2 hours to drive there.  We walked around the city center, had a nice leisurely lunch and dinner.  Our main agenda item was to go to the Flea market on Sunday to search for a chandelier and a base for the marble table in the entryway.  We found both on Saturday  but the stores were already closed.  Unfortunately it started to rain really hard all day Sunday so we just packed our bags and drove home.  The one good thing is since Im no longer on vacation, we can go back again and see what the city has to offer and not feel rushed about when we will be going.

I have class this afternoon and havent done my homework.  I asked B if we can have  German night two nights of the week wherein we speak nothing but German, that way, Im not using English as a crutch all the time.  We'll see how that goes, especially when he'll have to start talking to me langsam (slow)...more later!

"Dont fuck with me fellas, this isn't my first time at the rodeo..." - Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest

OK, Im going to admit this but I kind of had fun in school today.  It wasnt as hard as the past few days.  I am getting used to the rhythm of the language and am starting to understand the gist of questions and such. Im not that great with answering back but at least I understand whats going on around me.  I forgot to mention what happened yesterday.  As you all know, I havent given up the fight to change to a morning class.  I met with an administrator AGAIN and it went something like this:

I would like to change my class to the morning and was told to come back today for a status

You cant

Why

The classes are filled

Why should I be penalized by taking an afternoon class when my course was paid 2 months in advance, I took my placement test a week earlier than others, etc, etc,etc...

Well you were placed in the afternoon class because you had a few points on your test...(at this point I didnt let her finish and said)

Excuse me.  I didnt have ANY POINTS on my test.  Pull if up right now and you will see that my test is BLANK!

At this point she started back tracking and I basically said that I wanted to speak to the head of the school and lo and behold I met with him 10 minutes later.  He explained that he couldnt put me in a morning class now but would guarantee that I would be placed in a  morning class next month.  I told him I wanted it in writing.  He said, he was a man of his word and would do it and I told him that I expect it to happen otherwise we would be having another meeting next month and that it would not be a pleasant conversation. 

 I was calm, didnt raise my voice but GODDAMN was I pissed over the overall administrative handling of my paperwork.  I will still move to another school but I wanted to get the satisfaction of having customer service turn out all right.  It was a matter or principle at this point.  Its too bad really as I like the teachers that I have had.  They have been patient and the class has been not too dreary.  The 4 hours each day pass quickly.

on more pleasant news, B has felt so badly for me for the past few days as he's seen how upset and pissed I have been that he suggested that we take an overnight trip either to Amsterdam or Antwerp this weekend so we can just relax...it would be a nice trip to take as we can go shopping for things for the apartment.  Im on the search for a chandelier for the entry hall.  B is currently in Munich and comes back Friday evening so I didnt cook tonight and just ate a pizza and watched an old episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Sky TV....I miss the Hellmouth...

"Tess, who makes it happen? " "I do...", "that's right, and only then do we get what we deserve..." - Katharine Parker in Working Girl

Folks, before I begin this next entry, I just wanted to let you all know that I do not mean to be complaining lately and some of you might wonder if i have made the wrong decision coming here, rest assured that I have not.  This has just been a very trying week for me and very frustrating as professionalism and order have been thrown out the window and absolute chaos reigns in the streets.  A little melodramatic I know, but it´s just the way I'm feeling right now.  It will work its way out in the end.  I love living here, being with B and look forward to learning more about the culture and integrating more.

Soooo, to go back to what happened today, I made up my mind that I will have to look for a new school to learn German.  Something more compatible for my needs (age group, class setting and administrative requirements).  Class was fine today.  There was a Russian girl I was paired up with today who was barely 22 and didnt speak a lick of English and for that matter German so our communication was a little stilted.  I had to resort to pantomine in order to get my points across (likewise with her).  At least the odor in the classroom has gone away, but I think it's just because I am no longer sitting next to the person who was causing it.  She sat on the other side of the room...more later...

"Springtime for Hitler and Germany...Winter for Poland and France..." - from the movie, The Producers

PART TWO

So I get to my class around 1:50 PM and the room is empty.  I was sure that they were late getting back from the zoo or something, Im waiting and waiting and waiting and finally someone told me that the class is across the hall.  This is the kind of shit that has been driving me crazy.  its the little details that people are not catching. I guess it is a throwback from my days as a meeting planner.  I cant stand it.  There are 12 of us in the class.  2 of them I know from our placement test last week, Manisha and Maria Laura (India and Argentina respectively), the rest are Russians, one from Angola, one from Bosnia, two from Israel, one from Thailand and me.  We're a Benetton Ad.

The classroom itself is depressing.  No AC and reminds me of  an East German interrogation room.  I half expect the hounds to be released as soon as we are dismissed.  Our instructor is a lady by the name of Annette (pronounced An-ne-ttah).  While I mentioned in my previous post that the average look of the instructors seem to come from the Gap, she stepped out of the Army Navy Surplus Store by way of the Dress Barn.  I guess one has to be comfortable while teaching.  Which I dont blame her as the classroom was rather warm.  I made a mental note to dress down the next day.  As the temperature rose in the room, so did the faint smell of body odor.  I need to bring a little jar of Vicks with me and put it under my nose like Clarice did in the Silence of the Lambs when they examined the dead body.  

I forgot to mention that the youngest person in class is FIFTEEN years old?  I was bummed as it made me and the Thai lady the oldest students in the class.  There was one funny incident in the classroom...we were doing an exercise of who, what where with pictures and we were placed  in small groups.  The pictures consisted of famous people, places  and things that are specific to Germany.  Well as we were going through the exercises, the Thai lady next to us,           says really loud, where is Hitler?  and I just busted out laughing  because it was so inappropriate.  The Instructor looked at her shocked and I then looked at the at the two people from Israel to see what their reaction would be...I know, it was not right for me to laugh but for those people who know me, I was the person who laughed when my friend fell down a flight of stairs and she looked kinda funny with her leg all messed up...sorry Heather!

Well I go back to class today at 2 PM but am meeting with an administrator to see if I can change my schedule to the morning.  Im not giving that up without a fight...I was a total bitch to an administrator yesterday when I was talking to her about it.  More updates!

Smells Like Teen Spirit

PART ONE

I am not laughing anymore...I went to school today to get my class schedule and stumbled into a music video by Nirvana.  The building was crawling with young adults whose median age had to be 25 (and bathing seems to be an option).  My friend Mae wrote me an email a few weeks ago stating that she was officially old as she went to a Journey concert and everyone in the audience was her age.  I felt the same way today.  Im not saying I'm ultra hip or anything  but I like to pride myself in at least knowing a lot of aspects of popular culture, but can someone explain to me why would you come to class wearing Mickey Mouse ears?  Am I missing some kind of youthquake symbol or subculture...oh and I wasnt dressed right.  For those of you who know me you have seen the way I dress in the office and at meetings, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  But damn, I miss wearing my clothes so I put on a nice shirt, a blazer, jeans and a pair of nice loafers.  Everyone else was in sweats, jeans and the like, you know, typical collegiate wardrobe....I dont give a shit...

I had to stand in a horrendously long line to find out my schedule and once again, the person asking me questions started talking in German.  ENGLISH PLEASE.  I know I'm being a bitch but I couldnt help it.  I found out that I had an afternoon class from 2-6 PM.  I wasnt happy.  One of the school administrators (Dilek is her name) saw me and called me over, and it went something like this:

Allan!  How are you, do you have the morning class?

 No, I have the afternoon...

That's too bad!  I do have an alternative for you...

Oh? (perking up...maybe theres a chance...) What is it?...

Well all the afternoon students are going to the zoo to enjoy the morning before going to class today...its like a getting to know you exercise...

(My inside voice  - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS BULLSHIT?!?! and lady look up the word alternative in the dictionary, that is NOT an alternative, that is hell on earth.  Dante would be proud of you for creating another level)...Well, Id rather not.  I will go home and come back at 2 for the class.  I still have 5 hours to kill...

Are you sure?  It should be a lot of fun...

(My Inside Voice - Id rather gargle a glass full of razor blades while taking an acid bath and reading War and Peace in the original Russian)...thank you but no.  I just want to attend class and learn...

I guess all these activities are part of the uni culture for this school. I am way to old to be going to the zoo, eating cotton candy and pointing at the gorillas.  I almost lost my shit right there and almost went BMW on her (you remember, zero to bitch in 4.5 seconds).  Im still going to give this particular course a chance, but if things do not improve within the next month or so, I will have to talk to B in looking at taking classes with another language school such as the Goethe Institute, where I can be sure people my age are taking classes and my instructors are as unforgiving and harsh as the judges at the Nuremberg Trials.  The instructors I have seen so far all look like employees at The Gap...with a little bit of Colonel Klink thrown in...

So right now I am home.  I will have a little lunch then go back to uni at 1 PM.  Wish me luck!  I will write later today to tell you about the class itself...

The Ultimate Driving Machine

So today was the first day of school, or so I thought.  I arrived at university at 8:30 AM for my 9 AM class only to be told that our classes will start tomorrow due to continued placement testing for about 200 people.   What the hell happened to German efficiency?  To say I was annoyed was putting it mildly.   I'm like a BMW.  I can go from zero to bitch in 4.5 seconds and was ready to tell the school administrators that this was unacceptable, but B would have just told me that this is the way things are sometimes around here so I will have to get used to it.

So in short, I will start classes tomorrow at 9AM. Other than that,nothing has been going on.  We went to an outlet mall in the Netherlands on Saturday.  Before you think that it's all so exotic, the border is only thirty minutes away so it was a pretty quick trip.  The mall resembles any other mall you would see in the good 'ole US...the sink is finally fixed.  YAY!  No more washing dishes in the tub.

I will write more after I give you all the rundown of my first day of school.

"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress, dress impeccably, they notice the woman..." - Coco Chanel

So I went to University this morning to take my placement test for German...I arrived at 8:45 AM for a 9 Am start to our test and there were several of us, all from different countries, Argentian, Mallorca, Spain, China, India, Romania and Turkey.  I was the only one from the US - I was kind of bummed as I was hoping to have someone to hang out with but at the same time, glad because it would have made studying German that much harder as I am sure I would have reverted to talking in English all the time.  The test consisted of  4 pages of  reading comprehension, fill in the blanks and questionnaire and an interview.  I almost laughed out loud as the only thing I filled out was my name and contact information.  I folded the test and handed it back to the test taker after 3 minutes and he asked me, "are you done?", and he would talk to me really slow like I was Helen Keller, I said to him, equally slow, yeeeeessss, I ammmmm fiiiiniiished, caaaannnn you gooo ahead and dooo the interviewww?  

So he started asking me questions in German and he could tell after the 3 blank looks I gave him that I didnt understand so he reverted to English and started talking slow again, which I then interrupted him and said that English is my first language so please go ahead and speak to me normally...Im from the the US...OH!  He thought I was Japanese or Chinese or something...fucking moron.

So after a tour of the campus, which was an hour late due to the other interviews -  Im now back home making  a really late lunch.  

Note to self about the university:

• there is no AC anywhere!  Bring bottled water.
  
• I will have to revert to wearing shorts and jeans again like I was in school.  Im really bummed out about that as I havent worn any of my work clothes since the end of May.  Prada and Gucci stick out like  sore thumbs  plus the heat is not conducive to couture on the campus and trains. I might bust it out during the fall.
  
• Go to school with an open mind and do not be a megabitch (very hard but Im doing it!)

I go back on Monday to start my first day of school for 4 hours each day.  Based on what was given to me as information - if I study really hard and apply myself, I can technically become a native speaker (or something akin to it) in 1o months time.  Thats taking into account that I have no life, I just study and do nothing else.  What did I get myself into?  I was never much of a student back in college and the thought of being back in a university setting is giving the bad case of the hives.  Wish me luck everyone!

PS - they serve alcohol in the cafeteria!!!!!  YEAH!

Side note...

Hi all  - I am re-reading some of my earlier entries and noticed a whole bunch of syntax and typo errors on my entries.  I apologize.  I don't want you all to think  that I am illiterate.  I do have  reasons:

• I now type on a German keyboard which differs in the placement of certain letters and with the addition of the German umlaut (Ö,Ä,Ü,ß) so it is  a little challenging
• My mind has atrophied since I left the working world 2 months ago so I'm not as vigilant about spelling as I used to be
• I'm getting lazy

Tchüss und danke!

 

Rainy Days and Mondays always Get Me Down...

OK, it's not exactly raining but it has been for the past 2 days.  Totally fine with me but after it rains it leaves high humidity.  Not good for the hair...B and I were supposed to go to Antwerp yesterday but those plans were scuttled as we got up too late so we decided to go to the train station to pick up my trainpass.  I can now officially go around the city without bothering to buy those pesky train tickets - the tickets kiosks  have too many choices; day trips, short trips (3 or less stops), 4 trip tickets, group tickets, I think you're getting the idea on how detail oriented Germans are.  From the main train station we caught a connection to the Heinrich Heine University where my classes are to start next week.  We did a dry run just to figure out how long it would take me to get there.  I have a placement test this Thursday and I didnt want to be wandering around not knowing where to go.  It's a rather large campus so I'm glad that we went so I wouldnt look like a total tool running in late for the test.

By the way, the trains here do not have AC and the windows are few and far between so you can imagine the heat it generates when rush hour rolls around and how deodorant is not a necessity for some Europeans - I hate to make blanket generalizations but I have me endured it too many times to know better.  Also the trains operate on an honor system here.  You can ride the trains without technically paying but be aware that there might be plainclothes inspectors who will come up and ask to see your ticket.  If you dont have one, then you must pay €40 on the spot and if you do have a ticket but forgot to get it validated by one of the machines on the train, it is still considered a no ticket situation.  

Nothing much else went on yesterday.  After that little side trip B retreated to this home office and worked for the rest of the afternoon while I played dutiful housewife trying to figure out what to make for dinner.  My main criteria was not to use to many pots and pans and dishes as I didn't want to wash dishes in the tub again (please see entry below on that debacle).

Oh!  Fashion week started yesterday in the city.  I was told that Düsseldorf is the fashion capital of Germany and once a year they hold their fashion extravaganza with events and buyers from around Germany and Europe.  Our apartment is smack dab in the middle of it all.  Loro Piana, the Italian fashion house known for cashmere has a showroom 2 doors down from us, and 2 blocks from our us Vogue Germany held a party in a museum (or I think it was a museum) last night.  Right behind our building, on another leafy street is whole bunch of showrooms and fashion events so there are "FASHION" people walking up and down our street today.  I have a great view from our balcony.  We almost snuck into one of the events but B chickened out, he didnt want to be caught and not know what to say.  I told him all you have to do is say FIERCE wherever you go.  That dress is FIERCE!  You are FIERCE!  That bag is FIERCE!!!!  And walk inside with a bitch face..or with a clipboard and headset.  I can totally do that from my years of experience doing meeting planning (not the bitch face mind you, I save that for behind the attendees backs and not to their face - I might have  loathe them sometimes but I wasnt stupid!).

Madge, am I using Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid?

Ok, I'm officially pissed...so yesterday, the plumber came by to fix the sink.  The main water hose which supplies water to the faucet broke off 2 days before so B called the landlord to have them contact a plumber to come by the apartment.  In the meantime, I've been using the dishwasher to clean dishes - please see previous entry on German engineering and the hieroglyphics which I had to decipher.  One great trait about the Germans is when they tell you that they will meet you at a certain time, you can bet that they will be there on the dot.  The Plumber arrived at noon, just as I was told.  He didnt speak very good German or English, I dont speak German, he asked if I spoke French, I didnt of course so I asked him if he spoke Spanish, which he didnt, so we ended up up talking in a patois of English, German and hand gestures which resembled an angry Italian.  To make  a long story short, he wasnt able to fix the problem right then but will have to come back on Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday with the correct part.  Fine, but the part the pisses me off to no end is that I think he turned off the water line to the dishwasher so now I cant even wash dishes!!!  I was figured out that there was a problem today when I ran the dishwasher and it was taking 2 hours to do a set of dishes.  Lo and behold, I opened the machine and nothing had been scrubbed, SOOOOO, I had to take all the dishes to the guest bathroom and wash dishes in the tub.  What the hell is this, the Balkans?!?  

Oh and B is 2 hours late from getting home so all the errands I would like to do will have to wait and stores close at 6 today and of course are all closed on Sundays...what a great way to start the weekend.  Ok, enough bitching...remember, deep breaths...you live in Europe now right?  But oh lord what I would give just to be able to read a dishwasher manual in English right now.

I Got to Wash that Man Right out of My Hair

Ah German engineering!  You gotta love it.  I did my first load of laundry today and I felt like Harrison Ford's character  in Regarding Henry, right after he recovered from getting shot and had to relearn everything.  There are more so many wash programs on the damn thing - easy care, easy iron, delicate rinse, cotton/linens, energy savings, delicates, etc., it even has a temperature control which ranged from 30 to 90 celsius. For those of us who are fahrenheit-centric, that is about 90 fahrenheit to- core- of- the- sun- hot. Am I washing clothes or storing nuclear plutonium rods?  Mind you, all this is written in German so for a while, I was going back and forth on the computer translating.  I finally had to write everything down on a sheet of paper and tape it to the machine!  That worst part is the a normal wash cycle is about 2 hours long.  I guess the Germans want everything CLEAN.  To be honest, my whites have never been so white and without bleach.  Take that Clorox!

I didn't do much yesterday.  B is in Budapest till Saturday morning so it was an opportunity for me to walk around the neighborhood and get oriented.  Our apartment is in front of a park which overlooks the Rhine.  We are in the Golzheim area which I am told is one of the best neighborhoods.  For my next entry I will look up  information about Düsseldorf and give you folks more of an idea about this city.  This neighborhood is nice but the one thing it lacks is the convenience of having a neighborhood market around the corner or restaurants that one could pop into.  I have to schlep myself about half a kilometer to get to those kind of places.

Oh!  Some of you have asked about television and what I'm doing to keep myself entertained...B has satellite service through Sky TV in the UK so we have about 300 channels to choose from.  The programs vary widely in the daytime from old British TV series like the long running Coronation Street to old episodes of Bewitched, Cagney & Lacey (currently playing the first season that had Meg Foster as Cagney before Sharon Gless replaced her), to  OLD episodes of Days of our Lives -  it's hilarious to watch Dr. Marlena Evans terrorizing the town of Salem as a serial killer but it turns out she's been killing androids and the real people have been placed in suspended animation on a remote island (I am not kidding).  the evening broadcasts are a little better, with episodes of Lost and Grey's Anatomy being only a season behind (it gives me a chance to catch up).  As I'm typing this, the TV is showing an old episode of Gilmore Girls, before Rory turned into a sniveling, whiny idiot...I just realized that I need to get a life...

One last thing, Barack Obama was in Berlin yeterday.  There -  I feel a little better writing about something with some depth and meaning...I wonder if Marlena will get caught? hmmmm

Prince Caspian is Eurotrash

Before I start writing about what I've been up to this point, I wanted to tell you about what we did last night.  Every Wednesday, the local Cinestar Movie Theater holds a sneak peek night.  they do not announce what the movie is beforehand so one purchases a ticket hoping that the movie to be shown will be a good one.  Typically, the movie shown is not to premiere for another 3 weeks.  B and I, along with his friends Lilibeth and her boyfriend David met up at the movies.  We all were trying to guess what movie was going to be shown by looking at all the coming soon posters in the lobby:  The third Mummy movie, Incredible Hulk, The Dark Knight, etc...we all had high hopes that it would be the new Mummy movie as we all thought that the first two installments were quite enjoyable.  A side note here: when you purchase a ticket at the movies in Germany, it includes a seat assignment, which I think is a great idea as you never have to search for an empty spot, ask a stranger to move a few seats to accommodate your party, etc.  Likewise, they serve alcohol as part of their concession services - sometimes the only way to get through a movie is to be blitzed, and boy I wish I had a few beers before going into the cinematic abortion we had to endure.  

Upon entering the theater and finding our seats, I sat back, relaxed and watched the opening scene of the movie with a sense of dread, scene 1:  a castle, a birth of a baby and a closeup of the villain uttering his first line in the heaviest spanish/european/newyorican by- way- of- Ibiza accent I have ever heard.  I inwardly groaned as I knew I was trapped for the next 2.5 hours and would never reclaim those precious few hours of my life, so if anyone is contemplating to watch The Chronicle of Narnia:Prince Caspian, I suggest you pray that Aslan the Lion come to life and maul you before seriously giving it some thought.  One funny scene in the movie that made me and B laugh was a talking bear that shouted, 

"For Aslan!!!", but it sounded like Leonardo Di Caprio  in Who´s Eating Gilbert Grape in the scene where Leo is on the water tower roof and shouting GILBERT!!!  GILBERT LOOK AT MEE!!!!.

Anyway, my first few days here have been  a whirlwind of activity.  I had to meet with B´s relocation agent in order for her to walk my paperwork through the bureaucracy that is the German government.  It was relative painless as she did all the work.  I am now officially a resident of Düsseldorf, and also have a tax card which is used for employment- but I need a work permit first.  Cart before the horse in my opinion.  We also went to the main terminal trainstation to purchase my monthly train pass so I can navigate the city and to get to school.

B and I were discussing the train route I had to take and he said to me, "if you look at this route, you will need to transfer from the main station to the take the BUS to the university..."  I looked at him and said, "BUS!?"  Does he not know me?  We later found out that it was the above ground train...thank the lord!

I have a placement test for language school next week and I just had to laugh, because other than knowing words to be polite, a few sentences and counting 1-2-3, my knowledge of the German language is based mainly on watching Sophie's Choice and I dont think those words will come in handy unless I'm ever in the same situation as that poor Austrian girl imprisoned by her dad for 30 years in the family basement.

Where have I been?

We´ll I am finally in Germany!  To give you a rundown on how the trip and what has been going on since I´ve gotten here:

I flew out of LAX on Thursday, July 17th.  My flight left at 5:45 Pm but arrived in plenty of time to check my two LARGE suitcases (each weighing about 70 lbs) and hang out in the International First Class lounge in right beside gate 73 in the United terminal  - I have never been inside this particular lounge before and let me tell you, it is a lot nicer than the Red Carpet Club.  By the way, if you have noticed that I am writing to you without using apostrophes, there is a very good reason, I am using a German keyboard and some of the keystrokes are different.  The letters Y and Z are placed differently on it, and the apostrophe symbol `is on the top left hand corner of the keyboard.  It is taking some getting used to so for now instead of me backspacing every couple of times while I am typing, I will write a little more formal.  Back to the story - - 

I am the only person in the lounge and immediately notice that they have FOOD here, unlike the Red CArpet Club which only serves coffee, soft drinks water and the occasional shortbread and bananas.  This lounge has sandwiches, free booze, and all kinds of other treats to gorge on.  I pour myself a glass of champagne and find a comfortable seat and wait for the next 2 hours before I board my flight.  After about 30 minutes a few people walk in, but my eyes perk up when I see the actor Eddie Cibrian walk in. Very Handsome.  He is currently on Ugly Betty as Betty´s sister Hilda´s love interest.  He sits across the room from me and I just stare at him for the next hour. 

I later board my flight (seat 3J) in the first class section of the plane and you know what?  It is not all that it is cracked up to be.  The service is not different from Business Class, the food is a little different.  I had the duck (it was ok).  I just proceeded to drink (1 bloody mary, 1 glass of white wine, 2 glasses of champagne) had ice cream for desssert and passed out.  I did not even need my Ambien.  Put on my eye mask, set up my seat into a bed and promptly fell asleep and woke up 9.5 hours later over England to get ready for breakfast.

I, of course change into a different outfit when I woke up. I cannot very well let B see me in wrinkled clothes when I get to Germany.  Breakfast was rather ordinary too (a fruit plate).  Now I was told that if one rides in first class, one gets caviar, nicer meals a set of sleeping pajamas and the ike, but as i mentioned before, it was no different than flying Business Class.  Maybe because it´s United.  They need to revamp First Class.  I will write them a letter.

We land in Frankfurt at 1:30 PM Friday.  I proceed through passport control, where a rather stern German police officer asks me how long my visit is and debate telling him that I plan on living here.  I figured if I told him the truth, I would end up in a little room with no window being asked questions about my political leaning - it doesnt help that my passport picture makes me look Libyan.  I tell him I am staying for a month.  I then proceed to the Lufthansa check in counter and get my boarding pass for my 30 minute flight to Düsseldorf.

For those of you who have been through the Frankfurt airport, you will appreciate what I will write about next:  I then walk for 10 minutes from security to my gate (number 41), by the time i see my gate, I have broken a sweat and done my cardio for the day.  I search for the Lufthansa Senator's Lounge (their version of the Red Carpet Club), where thankfully it´s only 3 gates away from mine and walk in and immediately pour myself A VERY LARGE stein of beer.  I wait another 2 hours before my next flight.  For those of you who have never been in their lounge, it´s fantastic!  They have tons of food and all their beer is on tap or one can just grab a nice glass of wine.  I do not drink a lot as I dont want to be a fall out drunk when I see B.

I board my flight for Düsseldorf  at 3:30 PM and it is only 30 minutes long but those German flight attendants are quick and efficient.  In business class we get served a sandwich, a drink, a choice of magazines to read, and ice cream and all with a smile and they are cute - both the men and women, unlike the old crones who work at United, by the way, my flight attendant on the United flight had just had her lips filled with collagen, the only reason I know this is because she was discussing plastic surgery secrets with the other attendants...

My flight into Dusseldorf arrives at 4:15 PM.  I pick up my suitcases at the carousel and just walk through the door.  B is waiting there for me.  We look at each other and both start to laugh...

I will write more tomorrow, on what B and I have been doing since Friday afternoon when I arrived (not about that!!!)

I read last night in the New York Times that Estelle Getty passed away.  She played Sophia on the Golden Girls.  My friends know how much I loved that show and how I adored Sophia. I always had a warm spot in my heart for her one liners and zingers.  Estelle, wherever you are, you will be missed and thank you for being a friend.

A whole lot of nothing

Dear Friends - sorry for the lack of posts. I've been up to my eyeballs in errands to get ready for the move. 19 days to go! I had to run to the banks, DMV and FedEx. Speaking of FedEx, it cost my $300.00 to send two large suitcases to Oklahoma. B is traveling home tomorrow to visit his family and we decided that it would be best that I send him two of my suitcases that he can take back to Dusseldorf. I thought that would have solved my problem with dragging various bags on my trip, but I was wrong, as I have two more suitcases that I will be taking with me. I feel like Elizabeth Taylor with all the stuff that I have to take with me, without the entourage, hat boxes, people fawning all over me, etc. Thankfully I'm flying First Class so I can point to a porter and tell him, "Be careful with that! That's my priceless mink!".

The heatwave has finally broken here so now it's a balmy 90 degrees...I promise to write more entries.

It's Too Damn Hot (with apologies to Ann Miller)

Ok, so I thought it couldnt get any hotter down here but the mercury climbed to 104 degrees today and is supposed to be that way through next week. This bites. My sister doesnt have a pool so the only tanning I'll get is being outside running errands. I cant wait for this weekend as I will be meeting up with my old friends who used to work with me at The University of Phoenix, or as we lovingly called it the University of Phonics then doing a little shopping at the outlet mall near Palm Springs. I feel like a lady of leisure, but living in a one horse town, whose idea of fine dining is going to the Red Robin attached to the Galleria (my sister calls the mall the Shooting Galleria), though I am surprised that they have an H&M. Not much to write about today. It's just to hot. More later...

Hot Child in the City

Well, I'm now officially in Southern California and it's H-O-T down here!!!! On average it's hovering around 95 degrees. The move went very well. We (me, my sister, her husband and his cousin), packed up last Friday and were done in 2 hours, checked into the lovely Doubletree Hotel in Burlingame, where we were immediately caught in a whirpool of attendees hovering at a registration desk for an airline meeting. As I was checking in at the real registration desk, I couldnt help but look at the poor soul who was managing the registration desk for this meeting and overhearing some of the questions, the attendees were asking, e.g., when is breakfast, where is the meeting room, what time does the meeting start tomorrow, etc. etc, and I wanted to go up to them and say, open your fucking reg packet and look at the agenda included which your meeting planner has already told you includes that information!!! Ass hats.

On Saturday, I took the group on the grand tour of SF which they seemed to enjoy, we kept an early day as we got up at 5 AM on Sunday to drive the truck and car down to SoCal. I naturally took the car. I dont think any of you can see me driving a 26 ft long truck on the 5 freeway. BJ and the Bear I am not. We got to my sister's house at 2, unloaded the truck, returned it and it was DONE. I have been sleeping in late for the past couple of days and playing with the dog. Other than that, there is NOTHING to do here. Mainly because the heat is so intense that all I want to do is sit still and not move for fear of breaking out in a sweat.

Jolly Ranchers

I'm done packing. My sister, her husband and his cousin arrive tomorrow morning, we pick up the truck and start loading. It's my last night sleeping in my apartment. I will miss this place. We leave for Southern California on Sunday in the AM and hopefully arrive in the afternoon for unloading and storage. I'm tired. I did a few last minute errands today and got a haircut. My stylist told me a funny story (one that I'm not going to get into here to respect her privacy), but did you know that in jail (or prison), inmates are not allowed to have Jolly Ranchers because you can turn them into shanks? All you need to do is pour hot water on them until they get malleable and you can stretch them out into long points; let it dry and voila, you have a weapon, a la Prison Break. I learn new things everyday. My time here is done...tonight my friend Mark is holding a little nice farewell dinner in the city.

Friends, starting tomorrow, I will not have internet access till I get to SoCal, so if you want to get a hold of me, call me on my cell - which will be active for another month. BTW, My friend Dana just got engaged. Her boyfriend proposed to her in Paris under the Eiffel Tower...congratulations Dana...$200.00?!?

Meeting Amanda

I read an article in a magazine a billion years ago talking about the Amanda Complex - put it simply, the minute you start a major change that involves moving away, you meet the woman of your dreams (Amanda was her name in the article) and thus placed in a quandry that questions your motives for moving, or if the move is a good idea. Now, dear readers, I'm not stating that I'm changing my mind about the move. My variation of the Amanda Complex is I have discovered the some of the best out of the way restaurants in the San Mateo area and feel a little sad that I only discovered them now when I only have four days left before I move. Since I'm now a lady of leisure, I've had time to actually stop and go to some of these places I have always passed but thought, "I'll go there next weekend when I have more time.".

I'm always amazed by friends who have lived in the bay area their entire lives but have never gone to some of its iconic destinations e.g. Alcatraz, Coit Tower, Palace of the Legion of Honor etc. I suppose they feel that since they live here, there will always be a time to go. I myself, have lived here for eight years and not once have I gone to some of the these places thinking the same thing. Now there is no more time and I regret that. I hope to change that behavior once I'm in Germany. I'll try to stop and smell the roses, step into an out of the way store or restaurant and force B to do the same. He's much worse about such things than me. At least I dont wonder anymore about meeting my version of Amanda.

Speaking of B, he's in Vienna today, and will be in Lake Como for the rest of the week, attending one of those conferences that requires the services of a meeting planning company (attendees consists of the top 300 executives of his company). For those of you who don't know what I used to do, I was a meeting planner at my old job. Anyway, I asked him several questions about the meeting last night (where are you staying, what does the agenda look like, etc.) and his monosyllabic answers made me realize that he had no idea where his packet was, where he was supposed to go, his flight information...I had to stifle a laugh as I realized that attendees are the same no matter where they are - it's the meeting planners who have to worry for them. I told him to look for it and be prepared. That was always one of my pet peeves as a meeting planner, that the minute things were handled for them, attendees release self responsibility. I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore; now I'll be one of the attendee "spouses" who will drink too much, laugh too hard and ask ludicrous questions and make outrageous requests of the meeting planners and give the meeting planners something to talk about...NOT!

New Friends

The hard thing about moving is making a new life for yourself; getting used to a new environment, new way of doing things and of course, having to make new friends. After only 4 days, I have made a couple of new ones. This morning I got to spend time with Dan, Roseanne, Darlene and the rest of the Connors. I had a nice leisurely lunch and then spent the afternoon with Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia. I tried to meet up with Erica, but she's kind of bitchy so I had to beg off and instead spend a few moments with Maury and Jerry but it was too hard to spend any quality time as all the people near them were yelling, screaming and acting all crazy. These new friends might stay a while. It all depends if they continue to speak English or only German. On another note, the packing is going well. I'm almost done.

Too much...

I'm in the midst of packing my apartment and there's just way too much stuff. Im over it. I look around and wonder how in the hell did I manage to accumulate all this crap and why in the world did I keep a copy of House and Beautiful circa 1998? I've always been a bit of a magazine whore and I've kept copy upon copy of magazines that I think I'll use as a reference down the road. I had a stack of one particular magazine that reached to my shoulders...I kid you not. I tossed them all last week. If I had a cat, I would start resembling those hermits who live closed off to the world and have meals delivered by Meals on Wheels. I'm not missing work but I am missing the daily interactions I had with people and missing friends. B is still in Vienna on business and is going to London tomorrow. At least I think that's what I remember, I can't keep track of his schedule. I think once I'm on Dusseldorf, I'll have to make friends with his assistant, but she's a bit of a bulldog in not releasing information - excuse me, but does she not know who I am? Once I called her Eva Braun to B and he didnt think that was funny...I did...but hell I never said I was nice...sorry everyone with the stream of consciousness entry. I'll try to be more focused next time. I'm trying to get into a rythmn.

who, what, why

I'm moving to Germany. There. I've finally written it down. I've been with my partner for 4.5 years and during that time, we have maintained a long distance relationship. So folks, when people say it can't be done, don't believe them for a second. It takes a lot of work, a lot of airline points and great phone carrier service (I still wince when I think about the first bills that used to arrive after 7 hour marathon conversations before I switched to a call plan).

I feel a little weird writing posts - I set up this blog mainly as a means for friends and family to keep up with what promises to be an interesting new life, but at the same time, had severe misgivings about laying my feelings and experiences out in a public forum. For the sake of privacy I shall be a little oblique about me and what my partner does. He'll be known as B, is an American of German descent, speaks the language and has a gloriously well paying job at a Dusseldorf based company. Lord knows we'll need the money; I'm moving to Dusseldorf with no job, just my savings, and will be going to school full time and eventually get a new job.

About me: I currently live in San Francisco and until recently, had a nice job working at a biotech company. I decided to finally make the move to Germany for a) love, b) to be completely out of my comfort zone, and c) to fulfill a life long dream of living in Europe. I hope you will join me in this adventure. I promise to minimize the whining, the complaining and the bitchery but my friends already know that I wouldn't be me without small doses of it. Let the games begin...